I've been mulling this whole child rehoming thing for a couple days and here's what I'm thinking.
I was adopted at 4 days old by my awesome parents. I got a good deal, as my birth parents are both alcoholics and the last time I spoke to my birth father he was unemployed and living in a trailer, while my adoptive parents are well educated and upper middle class.
I've thought for years that I'd like being a foster parent - being able to help a kid who needs a safe and loving place sounds really really awesome. And because of that I read a couple of blogs by fosterparents pretty religiously.
I say this because the people who are adopting older kids from overseas - especially kids who have spent the majority of their lives in an orphanage - face a lot of the same issues fosterparents do, at least in terms of behavioral and psychological issues. But the more I read about rehomers the more I realize - these people adopted damaged kids and expected a perfect child. There are people who gave up after 3 days! THREE DAYS! These people are obviously not ready to be a parent if after 72 hard hours they're ready to throw in the towel and hand a child they've taken responsibility for over to total strangers.
But that's not always the case. Some of the rehomers rdiscussed adopted BABIES. An 8 month old and a 3 year old are mentioned. How do you give up on an 8 month old? How do you raise a kid from the age of 3 to the age of 11 and then toss them out? What is fucking WRONG with these people??
It makes me sick. These are kids who NEED stability and love more than anything else and they're just being thrown away - sometimes REPEATEDLY and sometimes given to horribly abusive "new parents".
Raising a child is never easy. Raising an adolecent is even harder. Raising an adolecent who probably doesn't speak your language, has just been flown halfway around the world, and who has never had a loving home in their entire LIFE must be incredibly difficult. Did these people not think this through before signing the papers? Did they expect a well adjusted American kid to show up at their door? I'm so furious at the parents who take these kids in only to give up on them. They rank as some of the shittiest people alive.
I know its hard, I know dealing with issues you didn't create, having a kid go through years of therapy with no derernable sign of improvement must be frustrating, but you made a commitment FOR LIFE. You're not allowed to give up. If you can't handle it, find someone who can, not some stranger on the internet.
There's a reason why its hard to adopt a kid in this country, why it's so expensive and there are so many steps. It's hard to foster too - background checks, home visits, hours and hours of training. You know WHY its hard? Cause raising a kid is hard. Especially a kid with special needs - be they emotional, mental, or physical. Does it suck that the price makes it prohibative to people who would make great parents but just can't affod $30,000 adoption fees? Yes. But how about we solve that problem without creating a million new ones, huh?